Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
