I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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