he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
