a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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