3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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