You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize