I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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