I'm really into asian looking animals
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
