out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
