Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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