First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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