I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
