shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
