she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
