yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
