I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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