we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
