just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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