would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
