It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
