my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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