you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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