the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
