Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
