M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
