Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
