Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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