I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
