Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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