I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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