Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
