he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ass is underappreciated
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
