im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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