Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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