My cat gives me a boner
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
