D3 body, D1 cock
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
