I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
