she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
