they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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