i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
