FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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