I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
