Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
