East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In other news, I just burned my penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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