You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
