I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
