Where did you get a picture of my penis
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
