Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
