She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
