You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
