just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
