there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
