Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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