I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Panties = found
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