Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
