If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize