I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
