someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
