Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
