I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
