I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
