We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
