i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize